Oh, FUD. Fud, Fud, Fud. I mean FOOD. I just learned that new word, “FUD”. Fear, Uncertainty & Doubt. Hmmm, food for thought. Not as good as Chocolate, clearly, but a fun new word for me to play with…it’s the new ‘F’-word for this Century.
Man, I had a bit of a ‘Fud’ night, last night. A little too much Fud, if you know what I mean. Surprising how quickly a Bottle of Gin can get to a girl… (yes, I am the ‘girl’ in this story, and yes, I am well aware of my advancing years… what’s yer point??) Anyway, to make a really, really long story shorter, I woke up this morning with a slight hangover and a very large Tattoo. A few Piercings, too. Man, what was I thinking?? That’s no way to hang on to my Youth, and I get that now.
To be fair to My Tattoo Artiste (I think that’s what he wanted to be called…),or Arty or something like that… he did do a really good job. Very dignified and subtle. I started out with a 4 Leaf Clover, since they’ve always been lucky for me, and I feel like I’d like to get lucky more often, so that seemed reasonable. Then I thought a Love Heart around the 4-Leaf Clover would look nice, and then I’d be ‘lucky in love’, which sounds like a good idea.
You know that whole thing that Madonna has goin’ on with the Kabbalah thing and the purple Body Suit? Well, it got me to thinkin’, “What if she’s right?”. I mean, she’s been right about many things, before, so why not now? (3/4 of the way through the Bottle of Gin at this point..)Anyhooo, the color purple seems to be very significant for Madonna, so I had ‘Arty’, if that was his real name, draw a purple circle around the Love Heart, to symbolize World Unity (see how lofty?). Then I couldn’t quite remember whether she said purple or violet, so we added one more ring in violet, just to cover my bases.
Speaking of my ‘bases’, they’re pretty much covered in ink, now. Mmmm. What to do, what to do? How much for Laser Removal, I wonder? And how long does it take for a Nose Ring hole to heal over? And the Eyebrow hole? Oh, I see a lot of ‘Healing Time’ in my future. There is an important lesson here, though, and I think I’ve learned it, albeit the hard way (that’s how I learn things): Don’t Drink & Tattoo. That should be on a Bumper Sticker somewhere, to help the Less Fortunate, like meself a week ago.
Okay. I have to go have a Hydrogen Peroxide Dip. It’s the only way to cover all my bases… Oh, and Happy April Fools Day!! Lets hope you have lots of laughs, today!! Love, Laughter & Peroxide! Ailsa
And Now for the Schmoldy Oldies…
Friday, April 1st, 2005. Hey! I’m so glad you popped in. You’ll never believe what just happened! We just sold our house — all by ourselves! Man, I can’t believe our luck… we got $20,000. over our Asking Price, on the condition that we move out by Sunday.
The people who bought it are soooo nice — beautiful Leather Outfits with Matching Jackets. I don’t know who does their Embroidery, but it was very neatly done. I’m sure you could see the Emblem a mile away. And leather like buttah’…gorgeous.So it turns out they were cruising through the neighborhood last weekend, looking for a big house with lots of light where there’d be ‘plenty of room to grow’. They seemed very, very interested in that.
They loved the Spacious Living Room and Kitchen — room for the whole gang to come over for a party, they said. We love parties, too, so we could totally relate to that! And they thought the Circular Driveway was perfect for Wheelies and whatnot. Who doesn’t love doing wheelies, right?? Reminds you of your childhood.
The only thing I thought was a little disappointing was their reaction to all my lovely drapes — they’re planning to put up some ‘black out curtains’. They are useful in keeping down the Air Conditioning Bills, so that does make sense, I suppose. Well, anyway, I shouldn’t worry about that. I’ve got plenty of Twenties and Hundreds to count up today, since they said they had done very well in their last Deal, and had plenty of Cash to buy the house. Wasn’t that lucky??
So Dwight has found us a lovely New Home that we can stay in until we get around to building again. It’s not too far from here (about 45 minutes straight out on the Prairie), called Sha-Tow Urrown Estates. Sounds beautiful. Dwight says he snagged the place for a great Price and it comes with it’s own Boat Parking Area — a Hook at the End of the Building — very handy if there’s a Flash Flood, which occasionally happens at the end of April. Luckily, Dwight loves Boating, and we like to swim, so it should work out well. Dwight says I’m going to love the Brickwork on the Corners of the ‘Movable Structure’, as Dwight keeps calling it. Cinder Blocks, and for the most part, quite even. Anyway, he thinks there should be enough to hold the place up…
Well, I better go get packing. I’ve gotta clear out the Garage right away so they can drop off ‘a few packages’ early, and they need their Electrician to pop by to install a few extra lights and make some adjustments to the Electrical Panel. They’re probably putting in a pool — that’s what I wanted to do, too! Lovely Fellows, every one of them. I’m sure our Neighbors are going to love them all, and they’ll be able to continue our Tradition of our great big Get Togethers. Hope they do all right with all the Condo Bylaws… well, I’m sure it’ll be fine.
Seeee Ya’, Baby!! I gots ta’ go!!
Have a Little Fun, today!! Ailsa
And now for the First April Fools Day ‘Installment’…!!
Thursday, April 1st, 2004. Good morning, Folks. I’m in shock, this morning… I just got up and found a note on the Dining Room Table — it was from Dwight. He’s finally done it, after years and years of threatening and holding it over my head… he’s run off to join the Circus. I knew it would probably happen one day, but I didn’t see it happening, today. How ironic, with April Fools, and all… I went to check the Closet, and all his stuff is gone — the Leotards, the Tutus, those stooopid Clown Shoes — everybody knew they were too big for him — who was he kidding?? What a Clown! The Note said he had to,” follow his Dream, his pasion” (Dwight never could spell…), and become a Trapeze Artist. Artist my ass — all they do is hang about all day, but I suppose he is good at that — plenty of practice, anyway.
Well, I better go clean up — what a mess — I think some of his friends must have swung by to pick him up — what a load of Clowns — and never enough seatbelts for them all in their stupid wee car, either. I hope the Cops nab them and their crazy little Monkeys, too. Those are the worst Outfits I’ve ever seen — half their behinds are hanging out, for Goodness Sake.
Well, I’ll tell you — it’s for the best…it’ll be good to get that little monkey off my back, at least until next week when he’ll be angry about being demoted to ‘Pet Patrol’, which is just a fancy euphanism for ‘Pooper Scooper’ — I hope it’s in the Elephant Tent! Now that’ll show him!
I need to go collect my thoughts and find the Insurance…
Happy April Fools! Go have a leettle bit of fun, today!! ha,ha,ha,ha! Ailsa!
Stay Good, Baby! Ailsa
-->Tagged as: body suit, century man, gin, nose ring, purple circle
Posted via web from fourleafclovergoodluckcharms's posterous
